Mood:  irritated

Today, I started out wearing a pair of really short shorts and walked all the way to the mall. Lots of honks, and several guys pulled into parking lots and waited for me to pass.

Yesterday a guy circled around 3 times looking at me and then stoped on the other side of orange. I was sitting on the curb by the mall and you could see up my skirt.  He asked me if I needed a ride, but when I crossed the street He said "do you need to go somewhere?  I said well, are you into guys?  He said "no, I'm not, I thought you were a chick" and drove away.  

Thats bullshit. He just changed his mind after seeing me close up.  I am getting too old for this. I still look ok from a distance but close up I am hidious.  Time to commit suicide, or maybe I will try having that cosmetic surgury I was thinking about 5 years ago.

Facial feminization.   But then even five years ago, a guy like that would have at least asked for a blow job.  It was only 4 years ago that a big black guy got me in his truck and begged me to suck him off, and said I was "so beautiful" and he was looking right at my face.  And that was only a few weeks from when another guy got in my car and begged my to suck him off and watched me play with dildos and then another right after him, well, it looks like those days are gone. 

Either I do someting to turn back the clock or I will have to put an end to this life.

 I am afraid to do anything to screw up my ability to have kids, chances are slim but when I imagine meeting another women I instantly think "I will want to have a child"  and that scares me. If I take estrogen shots or worse have my ugly penis cut off, I will be unable to have a normal life from then on.  I have spent 5 years trying to have a normal heterosexual life with two different women and both of them left me.  I dont know if I can do it again, or if any women will give me a chance. I am getting too old and so are my prospects.

Hopefully I will get my car out of the impound yard. STupid pigs!

Today is wednesday. I finished learning a new movement from 'pathetique' sonata.     I went to redlands police to begin an investigation into the violation of my civil rights by those retarded people in that scummy police force. They are so stupid. I want to educate the public on how to end the war on drugs by jury nullification and how our society will improve so much, and best of all it will put 2/3 of the police out of work!

 I will soon initiate a lawsuit against Pier Galvan and the Community college for violating the penal code, for telling people of my 290 status, and libel for characterizing me as a "sex offender" and "dangerouse" which is all such bullshit, they don't know a fucking thing about me.  Retards. I swear people have no clue what mental migits these pathetic pigs are. 

 I remember on the tonight show a man was turned down for a job as a cop becuase he was too intelligent.   Figures, intelligent people will figure out they work with crimminals and begin fucking up all there crimminal activities.

 I flipped off a sherrif today, Too bad, it was a guy I have nothing against and I have met him and he is a nice guy, but I was flpping off his car and I didnt know it was him. Oh, well, he may be another skunk just like the rest of them for all I know, I considred appologizing but I will just put it out of my mind. You cant be a sherriff that long and be a good person.

Amber is really starting to annoy me in class. She chews gum, and hums and it is really annoying.  I wish she would just stop coming to class, I can't stand her anymore. Strange, after five years of friendship, and 3 years of loving her more than my own life it has come to this.

 I am glad we did not have kids, humans are such scum anyways who wants to make another one? I would feel I wasted my whole life if my kid grew up to be a stupid cop.   

This is a true statement. WHite cops are the worste.  Sherriffs too, if jail you are lucky if you get a black sherriff deputy to oversee you.  They are more likely to be reasonable. The white sherriffs are mean and nasty and it is consistant with the fact that most serial killers are white.   Serial killers seek domination over their victims, just like sherriff deputies.

 Fuck the white race, it is a never ending series of disappointments to be white. Our race is weak and pathetic, we are losers, and stupid, a race of mentallly ill freaks.