Mood:  irritated

Today, I started out wearing a pair of really short shorts and walked all the way to the mall. Lots of honks, and several guys pulled into parking lots and waited for me to pass.

Yesterday a guy circled around 3 times looking at me and then stoped on the other side of orange. I was sitting on the curb by the mall and you could see up my skirt.  He asked me if I needed a ride, but when I crossed the street He said "do you need to go somewhere?  I said well, are you into guys?  He said "no, I'm not, I thought you were a chick" and drove away.  

Thats bullshit. He just changed his mind after seeing me close up.  I am getting too old for this. I still look ok from a distance but close up I am hidious.  Time to commit suicide, or maybe I will try having that cosmetic surgury I was thinking about 5 years ago.

Facial feminization.   But then even five years ago, a guy like that would have at least asked for a blow job.  It was only 4 years ago that a big black guy got me in his truck and begged me to suck him off, and said I was "so beautiful" and he was looking right at my face.  And that was only a few weeks from when another guy got in my car and begged my to suck him off and watched me play with dildos and then another right after him, well, it looks like those days are gone. 

Either I do someting to turn back the clock or I will have to put an end to this life.

 I am afraid to do anything to screw up my ability to have kids, chances are slim but when I imagine meeting another women I instantly think "I will want to have a child"  and that scares me. If I take estrogen shots or worse have my ugly penis cut off, I will be unable to have a normal life from then on.  I have spent 5 years trying to have a normal heterosexual life with two different women and both of them left me.  I dont know if I can do it again, or if any women will give me a chance. I am getting too old and so are my prospects.

Hopefully I will get my car out of the impound yard. STupid pigs!